Being a Blogging Fraud

Being a Blogging Fraud If you’ve come to have a nosey at my deep dark blogger secrets (thanks to the slightly clickbait headline), then you may be disappointed. I haven’t done any ‘tongue in cheek’ posts for a while so thought I’d do what us Brits do best and mock my lack of ‘Real Blogger’ qualities in a self -depreciating blog post.

Before anyone gets all offended or preachy with me – it IS the internet after all – this isn’t a dig at ‘Real Bloggers’. Hell, I would sell my right kidney (it’s a bit broken so probably not much use to anyone anyway) to be half as popular, organised and picture-perfect as they are #justforfun #notagirlboss

Food

Real Bloggers: Have been known to stand on tables in order to get a good foodie picture. Create rainbow smoothie bowls for Instagram, share prosecco Boomerangs weekly and bake drip cakes that Queen Mary Berry would be proud of.

Me: Accidentally takes a bite of food before documenting my posh meal then tries to get creative with pictures that omits the teeth marks. Burns cupcakes and detests prosecco.

Taking Pictures

Real Bloggers: Create candid pictures of themselves laughing/looking into the distance/drinking coffee. Flat lay experts. Has a semi-professional photographer (in the form of a blogger bestie or partner) on hand at all times.

Me: Gurns at the camera with my eyes shut as Adam complains loudly about being a reluctant blogger husband. Likes to use words like ‘divorce’ and ‘for fucks sake’ in the process. Flat lays are disturbed by one of the cats gate-crashing the party. Spills said coffee down my top.

Interiors 

Real Bloggers: Have homes that rival 5* hotels, marble counters and rose gold accessories galore. Sleep on a gifted Leesa mattress, have fresh peonies to hand and white walls/fairy lights/succulents in every room. Oh and they all own that La Redoute Afaw rug…

Me: Accidentally kills houseplants, is engaged in a constant battle to remove cat hair from the carpet and toast crumbs from the kitchen counters. Owns an Ikea sofa that needs new springs and our Asda rug may or may not contain some kind of living organism.

Hair and Beauty

Real Bloggers: Use high-end products, share daily make-up tutorials on YouTube. Sephora is their second home. Throws hair in a bun and looks incredible.

Me: Still using my Boots Seventeen BB cream and kohl liner. Gets ready in 15 minutes. Has roots for days. Throws hair in a bun and looks like Miss Trunchbull.

Press Events 

Real Bloggers: They appear to be BFF’s with everyone in attendance, mingling effortlessly with an air of confidence whilst taking arty photographs.

Me: Hides in the corner until I spot the one person I vaguely know then cling to them all day/night. Gets hammered off two free cocktails. Forgets to take any pictures.

Fashion

Real Bloggers: Have an enviable stockpile of clothes, can pull off any trend and always look like they’ve just walked out of a professional photo studio, even on a Tuesday afternoon.

Me: Throws on the same pair of Primark jeans that I’ve had for two years. Tries to be fashionable and create new styles, end up looking like I fell out of a charity shop (which I probably did…).

Technology

Real Bloggers: Are experts at using Lightbox, own several Olympus Pen cameras, lens balls, iPhones, iMacs and other blogger tech essentials.

Me: Happy to take pictures with my Android phone and relies solely on the Valencia Insta filter.

Social Media

Real Bloggers: Have themes and share perfected edited pictures in exotic locations. Every other one is a bikini shot. Pays to promote posts.

Me: A fellow blogger (with over 150k followers to be fair) once referred to my Instagram as ‘very organic’. Ouch. To be fair, she’s right. If you follow me on social, you’ll know that I’m all, ‘Hey, here’s my cat! Wanna see a picture of toast? I totally forgot to get dressed again today.’

Promotion 

Real Bloggers: Has business cards, uses Buffer religiously. Creates thoughtful, magazine-worthy posts and has a blog layout that’s so cool, it hurts. Content is planned six-months in advance with all awareness days and hashtags covered.

Me: Has no routine or marketing calendar, despite being paid to manage several client accounts in my day job (just to clarify, I do make the effort for them – I’m just lazy when it comes to my own blog #dontfireme). Accidentally shares Christmas posts in March after ignoring the settings on a WordPress plug-in.

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6 Comments

  1. 14th August 2018 / 9:54 am

    I’m so glad you could all relate. The blogging world can be fickle and taken way too seriously at times so thought I’d share a little humour based on my own failings 😉

  2. 13th August 2018 / 4:47 pm

    I loved this post it really made me laugh, its so true, my camera is never at the ready for food pictures and if its near me im already half way through before I remember to take a snazzy shot (thats right I said snazzy lol) and its the same for the perfect looking blog, but you know what, id take a miss trunchbull style bun and pics of half eaten toast and cats (not half eaten cats… just incase that came off badly) over the perfect blogger theme or the perfect posed image! Take me as I am, Im human, im not always on top form, but I do try my best.

    oh and I also hate tan tights.. they are just really very wrong!

  3. Bec Jones
    13th August 2018 / 2:51 pm

    this really made me giggle Lisa – thank you 🙂
    I started my blog to keep a record of my garden and where we went out and about 🙂 Im bobbins at remembering to take photos of anything other than flowers, my husband’s food (he’s a great cook) and remembering to post on Insta and my pinterest is a mess – but saying that I’m a bit of a weird blogger as im not particularly interested in fashion/beauty and I’ve never been to a blogger brand event 🙂 but I potter along and I’m just pleased anyone reads by blog and asks me questions.
    Love Bec

  4. 12th August 2018 / 6:38 pm

    I love this! The whole blogger stereotype always makes me laugh, as it’s so farfetched. I’m with you on the food front, remembering to take a picture before eating is the hard part haha!xx

    Hannah | luxuryblush

  5. 11th August 2018 / 8:03 pm

    Absolutely spot on! I think we may be blogging twins. I try not to look at others now as it just makes me feel like the little kid trying to be a grown up!!

  6. 11th August 2018 / 7:57 pm

    This really made me laugh!! I definitely do try to tick some of the ‘real blogger’ boxes but I much prefer just being real full stop, and I follow the girls who post funny captions about tripping over the cat at breakfast over the ones who post gallery worthy shots of their ago toast.

    PS- I also detest prosecco, it tastes like tan tights

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