Remember when Adam and I first got engaged? I was cool, calm and collected when it came to this ‘wedding planning malarkey‘.
I even scoffed about how I would never be one of those brides-to-be; the girls that freak out over colour themes and table plans. I mean, come on. Does any of that stuff really matter in the grand scheme of life?
Well, guess what? It happened. Fuck.
Last weekend, it was a standard Saturday afternoon but I’d woken up feeling a little off kilter, for no particular reason. Irritable and on edge, I initially put this down to hormones and a turbulent few weeks.
I found myself thinking about our impending wedding all afternoon and I realised that it’s approaching fast. Like, tornado kind of fast. My train of thought ended up something like this, all in about 10 seconds flat:
‘Oh my God. The flowers. I still haven’t contacted a florist. Do we really need flowers anyway? The dress! My dress is still a work in progress – what if it doesn’t fit or gets lost in the post? Shit, my hen do needs booking soon. Only about 40% of our guests have actually RSVPed. What if no-one turns up?? Will the venue make enough vegetarian options? I am a knob for getting the cake delivered to my house the night before? What if our suitcases get lost? Have we definitely filled in all the correct paperwork? What if we get sick of each other after 3 years?! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME??’
Cue the inevitable meltdown. Full on sobbing into my pillow, snot and all. My perplexed husband-to-be looked on half terrified, half bemused. Offering the dutiful shoulder to cry on, I voiced my concerns to Adam. He quickly reminded me of what our wedding day was going to be about. Not the flowers, the cake, the decor or even the dress (gasp…) but the two of us.
Just us, making solemn, legally binding vows to love and respect each other always. And do you know what? Suddenly, it wasn’t a scary prospect at all. Looking at this awesome, understanding guy, I knew with all of my heart that our wedding day would simply be the beginning of our next chapter together. We’ve already got the ‘for better, for worse’ thing down and I know that we’ll be ok.
With a dose of reason and a rational reminder, I can happily report that I was back to my old self within the hour. A close call though and I’m now keeping one eye open at all times, just incase the pesky Bridezilla decides to rear her ugly head again before our nuptials!